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discarded because you got what you needed. Or is this some
kind of experiment? You want to find out if you can be with
someone other than your partner?
No. Solley threw up her hands. It s not like that at all.
Can t we just admit we re attracted and do something about
it?
If I slept with every woman who hit on me, I d have to
live in bed.
Solley vented her misery in angry sarcasm. From what
I ve heard, I m surprised I ve seen you upright.
So, now this conversation is about me being a slut?
Believe me, it s not only conversation.
Gin stood up. You re the one who jumped on me, Solley.
And if I d been willing, would this have been a risqué holiday
fling for you?
Risqué? This is my life, you idiot. If I d thought, for even
one second, that you weren t willing, I wouldn t have touched
you with a gator pole, never mind
Tearing my shirt off? Gin raised her eyebrows. And
for the record, I m not unwilling. But one of us has to act
responsibly.
Waves of shame flooded Solley again. You re right, she
said stiffly. I don t know what I was thinking. It won t happen
again. Cos I ll have died from shame by the morning.
An uneasy silence descended, broken only by the muted
crashing of waves on the shore. Standing very still, Gin gazed
at the skyline, her stomach churning. She wasn t sure which
of her emotions was more powerful. Desire? Resentment?
Jealousy? It bothered her intensely that she had to walk away
from a world of possibility because of Solley s ex-partner.
" 74 "
FALLING STAR
Filled with mixed emotions, she glanced down at the woman
who d ended her neutral detachment from the world..
Solley sat huddled into herself. She wore so much hurt,
Gin felt angry. It was clear that Solley desperately wanted to
find happiness and for her family to stay together, and that
she d lost most of her confidence. I d love to be your hero but
I m too fractured, too weak.
You re beautiful, and I wish we d met under different
circumstances, Gin said quietly. Dan s a fool, losing you.
The awkward silence sneaked back as Solley digested
these last shy words. Thanks& I think.
I mean it. I d walk a mile in Dan s shoes, given half the
chance. But it s not my gamble to take. I know that with you
the kids always come first, Solley, and I respect you so much
for that.
Solley hesitated. Wanting Gin to see her and the kids as
separate beings, she steered the conversation away from her
role as a mother. Well, despite all the lumps and bumps, and
breaks and& blindness, the kids seem to think you re the best
thing ever. Seriously, this may end up being one of their last
summers here, but thanks to you, they ll always remember it
happily. You ve salvaged summer.
Her expression was so full of genuine warmth and
affection, Gin almost reached out for her. No, I think you ve
salvaged me, she said honestly.
Solley seemed troubled as she gazed up at her. She started
to speak, but fell silent. With a small, sad smile Gin wrapped
her shirt more closely around her, murmured good-bye, and
headed off into the night.
Dismayed, Solley stared out at the inky sea for a while,
then trudged indoors. She turned off all the lights and checked
the locks before dragging herself dejectedly upstairs. Passing
" 75 "
GILL MCKNIGHT
her sister s bedroom, she heard the muted thud of a headboard
against the wall. Muffled moans accompanied the rhythm.
Brilliant, even the physically incapacitated were having sex.
Weren t couples in long-term relationships supposed to lose
interest?
Seeing Marsha and Janie so content, and obviously still
hot for each other, normally made Solley happy. But tonight
all she could feel was a dull envy and a rising anger that she
and Dan had allowed their sexual relationship to slip away, just
like everything else that had tied them together. Everything
except the kids, and it was wrong for children to be little more
than ballast weighing their unhappy parents down enough that
they stayed together. Would she rather settle for that than make
a clean break?
She moved heavily toward the bathroom in a miserable
mood. She d been brave, she d taken the big plunge, and she d
landed splat on her stupid face.
Looking dispassionately at that same stupid, freckled face
in the bathroom mirror Solley felt like the ugliest, most inept
person in the world. She couldn t take any more risks. There
would be no bumping into Gin, accidentally or intentionally.
No stealing long looks at her enigmatic, soul-destroying
androgyny. Her coal black eyes. Her small, beautiful breasts
with those large rock-hard nipples that fit so perfectly in
Solley s mouth. There would be no more addictive kisses.
She groaned out loud, torturing herself with salacious
thoughts that only made her wetter, and hornier, and even
more frustrated. Would she ever be able to look at a Havana
cigar again and not cream her jeans?
" 76 "
FALLING STAR
Filming halted the next day by midafternoon, as the light
began to fade rapidly and a cold front blew in across the bay,
promising thunderstorms later.
Gin sat side by side with Marsha on the cliff top location
as the crew rushed around, packing up before the bad weather
arrived. Leaning back on her elbows, she asked, Tell me how
you and Janie met.
You were there when we started dating.
Yeah, but I didn t pay attention until you were a couple,
sort of solid and complete, like you d been with each other for
ever. Know what I mean?
Yeah. A soft grin covered Marsha s face. You know,
sometimes I have to think really hard about life before Janie.
It s like I was just standing around wasting time, waiting for
her. I didn t know I wasn t happy. Didn t know what love was.
I didn t even know I was waiting. And then one day she just
arrived and there was no way I was ever going to let her go.
I m not so stupid I can t recognize love.
Gin gazed out toward the bruised horizon, watching the
storm clouds roll in. Has it been all you hoped?
And more. Some mornings I wake up so light and happy
I think my heart will pop. I look out the window and bless
all my days since finding her. Some nights I fall into her so
deep I m scared I ll lose myself and never find my way back.
She paused, loosening the laces on her boots. Today was the
first day she d been able to wear them since the accident. She
expanded my emotional vocabulary.
Gin met her steady gaze with wonder. Marsha wasn t the
sentimental type, but she seemed to be reaching for the words
to explain her feelings. I understand. At least I think I do.
I know. Marsha chuckled. Pretty weird, huh? I never
ever thought I d be talking like this one day. I didn t think
I could feel so much, so deeply. But I m so much in love it
" 77 "
GILL MCKNIGHT
scares me, even after all these years. And it s not that I think
she might leave me, because she never would. We ve barely
begun to scratch the surface. It s growing every day.
Marsha tilted her head back, allowing the cool breeze to
ruffle her long, dark curls. So, other than my relationship
history, what s on your mind?
Solley Rayner.
Hah! Marsha s expanded emotional vocabulary bit the
dust. I knew you two were getting it on.
Gin shook her head. No, we re not getting anything on.
She d like to, but it s just sex to her. A fling to ease her through
a tough patch.
And that s a problem because& ?
Aren t the complications obvious? Gin couldn t explain
that somehow Solley had jump-started her heart. That she d
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