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he'd done the first day when he'd asked Naoto if he was
happy. "How do you understand all these things, Naoto-san? I
think you're close to my age, but you're so wise."
Naoto chuckled. He couldn't help it. 'Wise' would never
have been a word he'd use to describe himself. Then his
humour faded. Perhaps now, telling Koji more about his life
could be useful to him, rather than a burden.
He leaned against the side of the bed, easing out of his
kneeling position. "I don't know. It's just that ... well ... I've
been through it."
Koji sat up a bit straighter, gaze intent. "You have?"
He nodded. "Yes. My partner, Lee, we were together for
almost five years and he was murdered. Shot while he was
closing his parents' market."
"Naoto-san, no!" Koji's hand shot out and landed on his
shoulder.
Naoto covered the other man's hand. It wasn't necessary
to tell him the killer had been a yak coming for money Lee
owed him. "We wanted to be together for the rest of our
lives."
Koji's fingers tightened on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
He nodded, acknowledging Koji's obvious heartfelt
sympathy. "Thank you." Speaking about it made the
memories vivid. He pulled himself together, remembering
that he was sharing them to help this man. "Shortly after the
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funeral, I crashed, just like you did. I slept for days." He
looked up at Koji. "I promise you, it does get better. You feel
your grief because it's there. You loved someone very much.
It's not a bad thing. It's ... good to love somebody so much."
Koji was still staring at him. "No wonder you're so ... kind."
Naoto looked down. "It's easy to be kind to you, Koji-san."
He sat with Koji until the other man had finished the tea and
pastries Naoto had brought to him. Koji was turning out to
have quite a sweet tooth and Naoto had made sure to bring
several extra pieces for him. He needed it, the poor guy.
When he'd set the tray outside the door, he returned to
the bed, seeing that Koji had moved aside and pulled back
the covers.
The un-worded invitation sent a ripple of warmth through
Naoto. Stripping off his uniform, he slipped in beside Koji and
gathered the man against him. He sensed that Koji just
wanted to be held ... at least for the moment. And he was
happy to oblige. Whatever Koji needed.
"Naoto-san?"
"Yes?"
Koji tilted his face up. "How did you know him? If I may
ask."
Naoto sighed and smoothed his hand over Koji's hair. "His
parents had a market in Little Asia. They were from Beijing
originally."
"He was Chinese?"
"Yes." He tensed a second even though Koji's question
hadn't sounded hostile. As gentle as Koji seemed to be, you
never knew what prejudices a person could harbour,
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especially in Tokyo where many people still didn't like
Chinese.
But Koji only nodded, his look understanding, the way it
had been with Ryu earlier. "I see," he said softly. "Please ...
go on."
Relieved, Naoto took a breath. "I was passing down the
sidewalk and saw him. He was unloading crates of vegetables
from a truck. So I ... helped him." Naoto chuckled. "He
caught my eye." He savoured the image of Lee, small and
wiry muscles flexing through his thin sleeveless shirt, sweat
glistening on his skin. And those eyes. Strange how Naoto
had also noticed Lee's eyes in that moment of lust. "Anyway,
he thanked me and offered me a job. He was studying at the
university and his father was ill so they needed help." He
looked down briefly. "It didn't matter to them that I was
Japanese. And anyway, I needed a job because I wanted to
save up money to move out of my parents' home. It worked
out."
Koji rolled to the side and propped on his elbow, looking
up. His large gaze was now full of undisguised curiosity. "How
did it ... happen? I mean, that you were together?"
Of course Koji would want to know such things. Someone
as suppressed as Koji needed to know freedom through
someone else.
Again, the memories rolled through Naoto's mind. "Well, I
was there for a long time, day after day. Lee's father passed
away from illness and I helped them a lot. At one point, Lee
started to get annoyed with me often and snap at me. He told
me I was making mistakes all the time that I wasn't making.
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At first it got me upset, but I was so taken with him I let it go
each time." He laughed softly. "Then one day, after he'd
closed the store, we were in the stock room and I dropped a
can of something on the floor. He started yelling at me. Really
yelling, saying mean things. I started to get angry, so angry I
wanted to hit him. But then for some reason I stopped. I just
watched him and listened. And then I understood. He wasn't
upset about me dropping the can. It was something else. It
was ... desire. Desire coming out sideways."
Koji blinked. "You mean he was angry at you because he
... liked you?"
Naoto smiled. "Yes. That's when I realised it was mutual."
Koji stared at him. "Naoto-san, you don't mind telling me
all this?"
"Not at all." Truthfully, it felt good to speak about that
special time in his life. He bowed his head. "I'm glad to share
it with you, Koji-san." When he looked back up, the other
man's gaze had not left his. Naoto remembered Lee's face,
the sweat on his brow, the wild look in his eyes, all his sexual
energy channelled into yelling, into pretending. "I grasped his
shoulders and kissed him. I didn't think about it. I just
reacted." The moment came back. The surge of heat through
his body just before he grabbed Lee. The touch of their lips.
The way Lee had gone silent and fisted Naoto's shirt, pulling
their bodies together. Like in a movie or something.
"Wow." Koji glanced away. "That's amazing." He was
silent. Emotions seemed to churn across his beautiful face.
The man was so readable. Naoto touched his cheek, brushed
his thumb along the rounded contour of Koji's cheekbone.
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Finally Koji looked back at him. "Naoto-san, wasn't it
difficult, hiding all that time?"
Naoto's heart squeezed. "Yes. But actually, we didn't end
up hiding for so long. At first, I would bring him around here,
to Ni Chome, to a hattenba and get a room for a few hours
after closing the store. But as time passed, we started
sneaking up to his bedroom at night to be together, after his
mother had gone to bed. I always left before morning, but
then, one night, accidentally, we both fell asleep. His mother
found us the next morning." Naoto paused, remembering the
way Lee had vaulted from the bed, a sheet wrapped around
his waist to hide his nakedness and fallen to his knees in front
of Lecy in terror. He described the scene for Koji whose eyes
widened more than Naoto imagined eyes could. "She was ...
to our shock ... very accepting, as if she'd somehow known all
along what had been going on." He shrugged. "Maybe she
did. But it didn't matter. We were free to be together. Not
long after that, I moved in there with them. And we were
happy ... until..."
He fell silent and looked down. A hand covered his, making
him peer back up. Koji's eyes were misted and what appeared
swirls of emotion, sadness, surprise, envy, sympathy, passed
through them. "That's amazing," he said again, as if there
were no other word that could possibly describe Naoto's
story. "I can't believe Lee's mother."
Naoto nodded. "She's like a mother to me. I went to see
her also today, before my parents. We're close." Then he
realised what he'd said. "I'm sorry, Koji-san. I didn't think."
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But Koji squeezed his hand. "Please, don't be sorry. I'm ...
honoured that you told me such important things." He sat up
and bowed, so deeply his face almost touched the bedding.
When he straightened, he wore the same churning look.
Without thinking, Naoto reached out and pulled Koji to
him. Until then, he hadn't felt his tension, his worry that Koji
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