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about the rest of your family?
I don t have a relationship with my family. Archer s my family. I haven t spoken to my
parents since I left Texas five years ago. Unless you re into oil or their stupid ass country club, you
might as well not even exist. My sister Hannah is just like em.
Fuck. I hated talking about this shit.
That must be so hard for you. Her tiny hand rubbed my thigh.
I m good. I don t need them in my life to be happy. I stated.
Everybody needs family, Holden.
I stood up from the table, the bottom of my chair scrapping loudly across the tiled floor. I
don t.
Ok. she said, hesitantly.
Resting my hands on the counter, I took several deep breaths. I wanted to share everything
with her, even the ugly shit. When I left Texas five years ago, I wasn t the same person I am today. I
could hear Maddie shifting in her seat, but I didn t chance a look. I kept my eyes down and my chin
tucked to my chest. The thickness in my throat made it hard to speak. I was a junkie, Maddie. It was
the lowest time in my life and my folks didn t give a single fuck whether I lived or died, as long as I
didn t shame their precious name. I sucked in another breath, but it did little to calm my nerves. I
killed someone.
CHAPTER twelve
Every life has a measure of sorrow,
and sometimes this is what awakens us.
-Steven Tyler
Madison
What?
Looking up at the ceiling, he let out a ragged breath. I killed my best friend. His words
came out weak and broken. The pain in his voice made my chest ache. Garrett was& he was like a
brother to me. As far back as I could remember, we d been inseparable. Our families were close, so
naturally we were too. Their wealth and stature gave two boys like us entirely too much power and
freedom at a very young age. We had anything we wanted right at our fingertips. We attended the best
schools, drove the most expensive cars, and did the best drugs. Pills& blow& weed& you name it,
we did it. By the time we were eighteen& we were out of control.
Holden had a better hold of his emotions but I could tell he was still struggling with the
memories. I guess you could say Garrett s addiction ran slightly deeper than mine. He always did
everything to the extreme. I was merely chasin a temporary escape. Garrett was chasin a permanent
oblivion. He never wanted to come down. And for a long time, I didn t either.
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, Holden downed half of it in three gulps then set it down on
the counter. He spun the base of the bottle with his fingertips. When I turned twenty-two, Blair came
along, I thought I d finally found a reason to change. She was crazy about me. And God help me, I
was crazy about her too. I tried to stay clean, but it was off and on. I thought that I did a good job of
hidin my addiction, but she eventually caught on. And while Blair was smart, she was also curious.
She begged me to experience those things with her. I was just fucked up enough to think I could
control the situation. We started out with ecstasy first, then moved on to harder shit. After a while,
Blair was no longer the girl I d fallen in love with, and her addiction ran parallel to Garrett s. The
breaking point was when I walked in on them five years ago and found them fuckin on Garrett s ten
thousand dollar couch. Almost every surface of that apartment was covered in blow. They d been
fuckin behind my back for a goddamn year. I thought she loved me, but instead she was in love with
my best friend or the drugs& who fuckin knows? I lost it. Told Garrett I hated his guts, and that I was
done with him and her. I was done with all of it. I left that night and drove straight here to Archer s.
He took another swig of his beer, sat it back gently then looked right into my eyes. The next
day, Blair called me non-stop, but I refused to answer. I had to read in a goddamn text message that
my best friend had overdosed. They d had a huge fight after I left, so Blair went to stay at a friend s
house. She found him dead the next morning, in a pool of his own shit and vomit. My best friend died
alone. He needed my help, and I turned my back on him. His voice cracked and a small sob left his
trembling lips.
I immediately sprung to my feet. Wrapping my arms tight around his waist, I buried my head
into his solid chest and did my best to hold back my own tears. It s not your fault, Holden. You can t
carry that around. I struggled to find the right words to console him, but I found it difficult
considering what he d gone through. Losing his best friend, his girlfriend, and battling addiction&
Holden had been through a lot.
He held me tight, his cheek resting on top of my head. Deep down I know now that leaving
was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. But that doesn t change the fact that I walked out
on him. I said some pretty hateful shit. Shit that I can never take back. I have to live with that for the
rest of my life.
Raising my head from his chest, I stared up into his deep blue eyes. Eyes that had seen so
much pain and struggle. And through all of that, Holden had managed to remain strong and
determined. I admired him for what he d overcome.
I didn t say a word. I knew there was nothing I could say that would change the way he felt. At
a loss, I reached up to cup both sides of his rough cheeks. Pulling his mouth down to mine, I kissed
his soft supple lips again and again, trying to drink in every ounce of pain he kept buried deep inside.
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